“Did you forget to take out the trash? Why didn’t you tell me you were going out on a Boys’ Night Out this weekend? Why don’t you call your mother already because she keeps calling me and I have better things to do than be your secretary. Why can’t you put the toilet seat down? Do you think for once, you can put the top back on the toothpaste tube? For once in your life, can you pick up your clothes off the floor. I am not your mother!”
If you are a married man, you have no doubt heard at least one or two of these nagging questions at one time or another, or perhaps even on a daily basis!
Nagging is a well-known intimacy slayer. It can take the best of all marriages and make it crumble when a partner incessantly pesters the other one. Women are wired to nag more than men. I’ve heard it said that women would stop nagging if men simply did what they were told. What? You tell me which man likes to be told what to do by a woman.
It’s true that many men are kings of procrastination. They will tell their wives, “I’ll get to that in just a bit but I can’t right now.” If this is you, then you are asking for trouble! Which leads us to a simple 3-step solution to get your wife to quit nagging you already so you don’t hurt your relationship over something so ridiculous.
Here’s how you do it in two steps:
- Point out the nagging without telling her she is nagging you. Most women are not even aware they are “naggers”. Wait until you are both relaxed and winding down. A Sunday night is the perfect time for those who work Monday through Friday. Start the conversation by saying, “Baby, you know how much I love you and we’ve always been honest with each other. Something is bothering me and I want to let you know so we can talk about it.” Then, break it to her gently by saying, “You know I am far from perfect and there are many times I don’t do what is expected of me right then and there. I need to work on that and I promise I will. But can I ask you to do something for me? Could you please stop reminding me over and over to do the same thing?” NEVER ever say the the word “nag” to her in any way, shape, or form. If she says, “What, you think I am nagging you?” you can reply, “No, it definitely hasn’t reached that point yet but again, the problem here is me, not you. I need to do what’s expected of me but I need for you to help me. By constantly reminding me in a demeaning way, it’s not helping.
- Do what you’re supposed to do when you are supposed to do it! You need to sit down with your wife and discuss each other’s responsibilities and expectations. If you go in with false expectations you will not resolve the issue. A good thing to do is to make a list of responsibilities on a sheet of paper or some type of chalkboard or whiteboard. This way, you can get in the habit of looking at the things to do and complete them much easier. For example, your responsibilities might be; (1) Check the trash and take it out if necessary, (2) Call your mother, (3) Pay the electric bill on this date, etc.
A few key points to remember; if you ever tell your wife to quit nagging, she will not! It will only lead to resentment and the nagging will continue and possible get even worse. Also, take responsibility and stop procrastinating and making excuses. The sooner you do, the better off your relationship will be. Geez, now I sound like I am nagging you!